love & sex in 21st century

Q: How often do you send nude sexts?
A: I don’t actually send [sexts] often, especially considering all the celeb leaks of late. I’ve always been a bit reticent to send out nude pics that prominently feature any identifying characteristics, like my damn face.

Q: What’s the story with this sext?
A: [The guy I’m dating] asked for a “tit flick” to get him through nervous jitters surrounding a work presentation he had to make. A complete spur-of-the-moment request — and fulfillment of said request.

Q: Who makes the cut?
A: I’ve only sent nudies to guys I’m seriously dating, or boyfriends. Again, it’s the management of digital footprint thingy at play here. I try my best to protect myself out there in the innanetz.

Q: How do you know you can trust the recipient?
A: There’s a tacit agreement between lovers that what you share together as a couple is meant to and should be sacred, not to be violated or find its way outside the established circle of trust. Right?


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This is me smiling for the camera in a bathtub in my parents’ house. I sent it last winter when I was in California around Christmas. I sent it to people who were probably 3,000 miles away in New York, because I rarely have sexual encounters with people on the West Coast. I sent it to… people whom I had just worked with and people whom I may have had sex with or whom I was possibly going to in the future? Not having much sexual release makes you take photos and send them to people, right?

I can’t believe I have been sending nudes for 13 years. Before telephones had cameras. I am going to remember that if some punk kid ever says something to me about my age or something. “Kid, I have been sending nudes before you were born.” At first it was a little nerve-racking. It was later, when the sex tape things started happening that I really came to realize that it might not be the end of the world if they leaked out a little. I try and send photos which are of good quality and not just like, “Here is a crappy picture of my dick,” so that if people see them they might be like oh that is nice or something to that effect.

Number of nudes sent to date: Probably ~1,000

Q. Tell me about this image.
A.
 I sent this photo to my boyfriend, from his bedroom. He leaves much earlier for work than I do. I wanted to show him what he was missing.

Q. What was his response?
A. “Oh my lord.”

He’d always been obsessed with my ass. This was me reminding him why he loved to fuck me without having to expose myself all that much. I also wanted it to seem offhand, like I couldn’t even be bothered to move — “nbd, just lounging luxuriously on a fluffy duvet thinkin’ of you.” In my opinion, sexts shouldn’t function as previews so much as a way to keep the momentum going, to maintain the eroticism of a really good sexual encounter. Sending pics before we’ve even hooked up takes all the mystery away.

lain B, 32

Editor, Brooklyn

I was six weeks pregnant and I’d never felt so sexy. I was sick all day and my back hurt like a son of a bitch, but still those days were transcendent. Even though I’m not all new age-y, there was something about a life forming inside me that felt sacred—so it stood to reason that I was basically a goddess. The pic was for my boyfriend and baby daddy; we couldn’t keep our hands off each other after we found out and I wanted to have sex with him about a million times a day. It was hormones but it was something else, too—something bigger than us that made me so happy I wanted to match the physical fulfillment to the spiritual fulfillment I felt. I was going to crop it and maybe throw a filter on it for extra sexiness, but I miscarried soon after and forgot about it completely. I had a specific type of miscarriage — the medical term is missed abortion — and my boyfriend and I didn’t have sex for a while. I just couldn’t get into it. About three or four weeks later I started to feel better. I sent this just before a date so he would know it was on that night. He texted back, “Mmm, beautiful,” because he’s just so good at toeing that line between lusty and sweet.

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